There’s a scene in every great novel or movie called the dark night of the soul. This is the moment where the main character questions everything. They question their choices, they question their worth, and they question their ability. I believe that this is where I’ve been for the last year of my life—especially the past six months.
The good news is that it’s normal. In fact, I think I would be more concerned if I never had a moment where I questioned everything about my life. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy to go through though. Unfortunately, one thing that accompanies the dark night of the soul is a feeling of worthlessness. I mean, can you really question every decision you’ve ever made and not feel like you’ve made some really terrible choices along the way?
The dark night of the soul is the darkest point of the plot. It’s where it seems like nothing will ever get better and there’s just no way that the main character can win. Sound familiar? I think we have many dark nights of the soul throughout our lifetime. These are the low points when we feel like nothing will get better and maybe this is just as good as it gets for us.
The beauty of these moments is that this is never where the story ends. What kind of an adventure would that be anyway? There is always a plot twist in every great novel and this is true of life as well. Your dark night of the soul is not where your story ends, and it’s not where mine ends either.
It’s okay to have these moments (or in my case, an entire year) where you’re faced with the culmination of every decision you’ve made and the decision of whether or not this is what you want. Do you want to stay in a toxic job environment? Do you want to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around the people closest to you for the rest of your life? Do you want to continue responding to situations out of the trauma you’ve experienced? Or do you want to face your dark night of the soul and begin to shine some light onto it so that you can effect the change you want to see within yourself?
I’ve taken a long pause this year to look within myself and begin the long, and at times painful, process of excavating the woman I was always meant to be. There are a lot of layers between her and I because I’ve had to get over things and move on when I was too young to process the pain I was experiencing. Moving on without dealing with these hurts causes us to create stuck points within ourselves that turn into protective shells around us. It’s the only way we can keep going in the moment but it’s crucial to go back and revisit those experiences so that we can heal.
If you’ve been going through your own dark night of the soul, I raise my (non alcoholic) glass to you. This is not where our story ends. In fact, this is exactly where a plot twist happens and the main character picks herself back up and wins. So let’s go and win, shall we?
xo Meggan
Meggan Larson is an award winning author (best selling on Amazon), course creator, wife, mom, and adoptee. She currently lives in Ottawa, Canada with her husband and three children. She helps women tell their beautiful, powerful, and authentic stories. You can connect with her at megganlarson.ca or email her at hello@megganlarson.com
